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Day 13_How Did I Get Here

Start:May 17, 2022

Duration:10 Minutes

Goal: this Cognitive Trail will improve the ability to make friends who bring out the best in you (Your Peeps).

Description: 'Your Peeps' is the 3rd in the Next Step series that give specific, daily guidance that leads toward friends and confidantes who help trekke ... Read More


Published By:

JP NextStep


Step 1

Hi there.

Today we're going to talk about a really tough temptation.

It has to do with relatives, past relationships and former buddies who are in the past tense and for good reason.

Do you struggle with allowing people back into your life who don’t treat you well?

Is it because you want to rescue them from themselves, or do you fear that breaking off the relationship will make them go off the deep end or that you somehow owe them your loyalty?

Could it be that you're trying so hard to help someone that you're overstepping your bounds and actually are preventing them from getting the help they need?

It happens. It's a trap many of us fall into because we think we're being kind. Yet it's anything but kind to remain in a relationship that takes far more than it gives, especially if you or the other person is in a compromised situation.

How much does this apply to you?

If it doesn't apply to you, then could the way you treat yourself be holding you back from better relationships with friends, relatives or people you date? How much does this apply to you?

Step 2

If you're feeling this, then it helps to realize what those boundaries are and why we keep crossing them.

Go to the video icon above and listen to the first 2 minutes about codependency. It means 'rescue' behavior, which is a very easy one to fall into if we don't know any differently. No need to subscribe to their membership. Simply watch and get an idea for where you are now.

When you're finished, please rate how valuable this video was in helping you understand this temptation.

In a moment, we'll get to those of you who are suffering because of the way you think about and protect a belief about yourself that's pulling you down. It may be causing a toxic relationship with yourself. Meanwhile, it may help to see the video.

Step 3

Codependency often plays out in dating relationships. It's a problem both men and women can experience.

Head to the video icon again and watch the first 2 minutes on toxic love. While the example was made for the ladies, guys, we hear ya! Seriously, the message applies to both.

Tell us what you thought about the video when you've finished.

Step 4

Do you think you may be trying to rescue or protect someone?

If this doesn't apply to you, is it possible that you have an attitude that you're stuck on that's dragging you down?

For example, thoughts like "I'm not good enough as I am (or look or weigh or where I come from or whatever), so I have to work harder, be smarter, do more, have more, be better looking, be funnier, cooler and on it goes... Does any of this apply to you? Even worse, I have to settle for less because I don't measure up to what I really want? Does any of this apply?

Step 5

If so, consider that you may have an issue with codependency. Yes, you can even have a co-dependent relationship with yourself.

Rescue behavior tends to take down both people involved. Think about that quicksand analogy.

For those of you protecting your insecurities, the way you nag and criticize yourself is equally harmful.

Another way to think about rescue behavior is that it strips away the dignity of the person on the receiving end. It prevents that person from reaching a point where they will be forced to seek the deeper help they need to get out of this situation.

If any of this applies, do you think you both deserve better?

Where attitude is concerned, your thoughts can be in the way of you living the life you were meant to live. If attitude applies, do you think your peace of mind deserves better?

Step 6

Picture what it would look like to set this person (or your own insecurities) free. Imagine what your everyday life would feel like to let it all go.

Describe what it would look and feel like on a day-to-day basis.

Step 7

How willing are you to let go so they can get the help they need?

Or...if this applies more, then how willing are you to stop thinking poorly of yourself and start the process of seeing yourself as lovable and acceptable just the way you are?

Step 8

If you still feel a strong need to rescue or protect someone, then consider this: you may be in the way.

If it's a person and you don't get out of their way, then they'll continue to suffer, and so will you. If it's an insecurity, then your pain can't go away. Either way, the pain is prolonged for all concerned.

If you remove yourself as a crutch, then the person can find the healing they need on their own. So can you.

If you remove a faulty belief, then you can find the healing you need to move on.

Consider giving the person the dignity of choice to succeed or fail. Consider that it may not be fair or respectful to them or to you to control a person's life or to allow your's to be controlled. Consider that if it's a belief that you're not enough as you are, then you're not being respectful to yourself.

If any of this applies to you, what one thing can you do today to head toward a life that doesn't feel so weighed down?

Step 9

This is a tough concept for most of us. It' not a quick fix. We'll continue addressing this subject throughout this and other navitents.

Make sure you do something kind for yourself today.

We'll look forward to hearing how things are going for you!

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