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Start:May 17, 2022

Duration:10 Minutes

Goal: this Cognitive Trail will improve the confidence to resolve differences with your ego intact (Drama Buster).

Description: 'Drama Buster' provides specific step-by-step guidance to trekkers as they learn how to resolve differences with a sense of dignity and conf ... Read More

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Summary:

Step 1

Today's about how to face the tough stuff and walk away feeling good about yourself.

Watch the clip from the video icon above which shows the exact opposite.

Return to let us know what you thought about the message when you've finished watching it.

Step 2

Elsa learned the hard way that you can't outrun your fears. You can't run from failure.

It won't work to bury yourself in regrets. It just means you've given up on yourself. Where's the love in that?

Regret often causes shame.

Shame is a by-product of grudges, even a grudge against yourself. If your hurts have festered into shame and regret, then now's a great time to start the process of healing so you can leave the pain behind you.

You can start by focusing on things that have gone well for you. Name a few of them in the space provided.

Step 3

Take these positive memories with you into your next argument. Just make a mental note of them when things start getting tense. It should ease the tension and help you think clearer.

Here's another positive to keep in mind: If you're having conflict with a typically normal person, it means someone cares enough to stay in the conversation.

Just hang onto that thought for a moment.

You're not alone. Someone cares.

Ask yourself if it's time to learn how to let your guard down and trust people who love you.

On a scale of 1 with 1 being 'frozen' to 10 with 10 being 'feeling connected and respected', where would you place yourself?

Step 4

When in a conflict, think about your personhood. That's who you are at your core and includes your dignity and feelings of significance.

Describe what's good about you that you wish others would know and appreciate. (We realize we keep asking you to do this, but hang with us. Eventually, it'll go deep enough inside you to turn things around for the better.)

Step 5

When the dust swirls, focus on what's good about you.

Can you agree to do that?

Step 6

Next focus on how you were feeling before your last argument.

Then think about whether you could be bringing negative feelings into the disagreement, making things seem worse than they really are.

Are you willing to try this?

Step 7

Pause and see - really see - the other person. Repeat, "If they're in the conversation, that means they care."

Will you take a moment to appreciate that the other person cares about you before you open your mouth to say something hurtful?

Step 8

Identify the perception that might be wrong and fess up to it.

Are you willing to do that?

Step 9

Apply the Drama Buster(s) that will help you the most to prevent regret, self pity, shame or any other grudge from taking root. This isn't a right or wrong answer. It's meant to give you something to hang onto when you need it.

Can you list at least one from those mentioned below:
1- Be honest
2- Ears first. Mouth second.
3- Don’t assume. Ask.
4- Keep it chill.
5- Own your stuff. Uncover Blind Spots.
6- Recognize the other person cares about you.
7- Release offense
8- Humble yourself. Lower your guard. Swallow your pride.

Step 10

Here's Drama Buster #9:

9- Ask for help. Hear the truth. Practice saying, “I was wrong” - without adding, “but you…. or I don’t like it when you….”

Just stick to “I was wrong; I didn’t see that” until saying it feels right.

How confident are you that you can apply #9?

Step 11

It's important to remember why you're doing all of this. It's so you can experience all the peace and happiness that's yours for the taking.

But you have to believe in it. How much do you agree that the goal is a sense of stability and happiness in life, starting now?

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