Day 2_Be Honest

Welcome back! We're glad you returned!

Even saying the word 'drama' makes us tense. How about you?

Well, let's glide past that word and continue where we left off yesterday regarding filters.

You know, they're our mindset formed by beliefs, preferences, past experiences and opinions. Of course, social media and media, in general, also affect what we think and how we act towards people.

Let's get a visual about filters. Jump up to the video icon and watch the first clip from the movie 'I Am David'. See if you can identify the main character's filter.

Tell us how what you thought about the clip when you've finished.

Did you catch it?

How did David feel about letting down his guard?

Those pesky filters. We've all got them, but how do they trigger so much drama?

Filters greatly contribute to how we take in information from others.

At the same time, filters are often distorted by unfamiliar or tense situations, past experiences and relationships with friends and family. They can also be affected by a sense of injustice whether that offense is real or perceived.

Filters affect what we hear, how we hear it, and how we relate to each other because of it. Filters can trigger drama if left unchecked.

In the first clip we showed you, David expressed one of his filters. He mistrusted people because of his past.

In fact, he was told at one point in his life, "Don't trust anyone." At the time, that was great advice. He was child in a forced labor camp in a country ruled by a severe, communist government. The former Soviet Union (now Russia) had tight control over this nation and used the camps to intimidate people into submission. Any so-called offense - or perception of an offense - was grounds for immediate execution - even a child. Twisted, huh?

But David was no longer in the camp during the scene you saw. Mistrust no longer applied now that he was in a safe situation.

Let's get at it another way. Answer this: what is your initial reaction to someone in authority (could be a teacher or boss) who approaches you and simply glances your way? Are you nervous or at ease?

No matter how you responded, the most important thing is to be honest with yourself.

Being honest about how you see yourself and being honest about the criteria you use to size people up are also vital pieces to this whole filter thing.

You could be the one person in the room to turn everything around for good.

Often we're so used to responding in certain ways that we fail to realize the effect. Why? Our filters are messed up.

First of all, they're often not honest with us. Secondly, sometimes they don't trust people who should be trusted, or they do trust people who shouldn't be. Third, they sometimes lie to us about why we should mistrust certain people as a general principle or react poorly to situations that make us feel nervous.

Head to the video icon again, if you haven't already, and watch the second clip about cleaning filters. Tell us if the message landed with you when you've finished.

What makes you feel the most comfortable around someone?

What makes you feel tense?

What typically causes full-blown drama in your life, and how accurate do you think your perceptions are when people disagree with you?

Would the people closest to you agree with how you responded?

You'll know you're tripped up when disagreements turn into flares of drama. You'll know you're really off track when this happens more than once a week.

With this in mind, what usually happens when you disagree with someone or they say something that hurts your feelings?

Drama Buster #1:
Be Honest.

To keep the fur from flying, be honest with yourself about what you think is happening. Then explain to the other person how you interpreted what they said. Ask if this is what they meant.

Give it everything you have to understand the other person. Remember there are filters on both sides, and both of you have incorrect ways of taking in information.

Try your very best not to equate something someone is saying now to something hurtful that was said or done to you in the past. (That's a filter.)

Will you start the next disagreement with this tip: be honest and leave the past behind as best you can?

As you go through your day, pay attention to triggers that show where your filters may be off.

When you get tense, stop, recognize the filter in play. Recalibrate by listening to and really hearing what the other person has to say.

Incorporate the Drama Buster if you have the opportunity. Will you try this? We'll ask you about it tomorrow in Day 3's navitent.

Bye for now.