Day 5_R.E.S.P.E.C.T

Welcome back!

How did it go yesterday? Your challenge was to think of one thing you would do to show respect for other people and one thing that you would do to have them respect you.

What's happening so far?

Are you beginning to understand that respect starts with you - even how you view yourself?

There's a way we continue to feed our own negative opinions, shame or guilt. Those tricky monsters have to be starved as we've said before.

Another way to starve them is to avoid people who say things to you or about you that are insulting and hurtful.

Has this been a problem?

Are you uncertain at times if you're being dissed? It happens.

There are times when someone says the hard thing to you, but it's meant to point out a weak area. That doesn't feel good when it's happening, but what was said ends up being helpful in the long run.

The bottom line is that you know that person really has your best interest at heart. There's a decency about them in general.

Have you had that happen?

Go to the video icon above to see what constructive criticism looks like even when it's delivered in a way that appears tough. Sometimes it has to be delivered tough because we're so hard to reach any other way.

Tell us how the message landed with you when you've finished watching the clip.

Then there's the other kind of hard remark. It's meant to put you down and keep you down. Oh could we tell you stories about people rolling up on us....

These comments are meant to make you feel inferior. There's nothing in them that indicate respect or that they're pointing out a weakness. They're mocking what someone sees as a weakness. The intent is for the other person to be seen as superior.

If someone's words and/or behavior make you feel torn up inside much of the time you're around them- even if they occasionally say or do nice things for you - know that this is not an acceptable way of relating with people.

Your personhood, the very essence of who you are, demands being treated with dignity and a basic sense of decency. Consider that their behavior is a form of manipulation, intimidation or criticism at best and abusive at worst.

Do you agree that you deserve to be treated with dignity and basic common courtesy?

Do you remember that word “no”? It's powerful.

If someone stirs feelings of guilt, confusion or anxiety in you, then say no to hanging with them and MEAN it.

If you feel too uncomfortable telling them no, then you could say something like "I need some downtime alone." Then move on quickly. If you need to avoid their calls or texts or posts, do so. They'll probably test you, but if you stick to your no, you’ll eventually win the battle of wills.

How confident are you that you can do this starting with interactions that arise today?

If you have to confront the person or people who leave you feeling stressed or dissed, then practice it first to build confidence.

Practice in front of a mirror if you need to.If that doesn't work for you, then practice by writing it out. That's right. Role play your goodbye in the blank space provided.

Keep at it until you feel comfortable in doing it for real.

Bye for now!